Dog on the Blog

This half-term* we hosted a lodger dog-dger when The Hub offered a dog sitting service for friends who were going away.

Meet Maisie:

I know.

I resolved to harden heart, veins and arteries because we I do not want a dog. Not now. Not yet. So at the beginning of the week, I was all about ignoring the dog.

No, you three go ahead on the walk with Maisie. I have stuff to do here.

Mummy can I give Maisie her breakfast and tea** everyday?

If you mean that dry crap that makes me hurl whenever I smell it, then abso-fucking-lutely. . .  Sure, hon.

I did not look at that dog. I did not talk to it. I also made it clear that The Hub would be in charge of dog poo.

Mummy, Maisie just did a big poo in the garden.

Daddy’s in charge of poo, remember?

Dad’s gone to London, remember?

Shit.

As the week progressed, whenever I looked up, I’d see those eyes, boring into me, telegraphing an urgent message:

By the time I decoded it, I was a goner.

“We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships . . . Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.”

*shields down*

Who’s a good girl then?!! Who’s my girl?!! C’mon Maisie! Good girl!! Good girl! Walkies!***

* under the British school system children have a week off half way through the 12 week term to recharge their batteries drive their parents loopy. This was that week.
**not the liquid,but dinner in England.
***Underlining used to denote über enthusiastic high-pitched squealing, at least until Indy Clause suggests a better method.

56 thoughts on “Dog on the Blog

  1. Oh, and this is how it begins, my dear…Prepare thyself.

    And just invest in a good vacuum. (Though Teri will understand how I’ve lately been smiling to find dog hairs on my clothes.)

  2. Do not be taken in by one week with a sweet dog!

    Got to go, off to walk the dogs with my nearest and dearest whilst the kids (4) relax on the sofa enjoying their half term break aka ski week here in Austria!

    • I know. I met a friend while I was out walking the dog (yes,that was “I”, singular). She too was out walking a dog. Her advice? “Don’t be taken in by the ‘Mummy we’ll do it all’ spiel.”

      And Kate, thanks for stopping by and commenting!

  3. I saw a license plate yesterday that read, “4kids1dog” and said, that woman is my hero. My kids responded by saying, “Why don’t you go ahead and get 2 dogs?” at which point I proceeded to whip them mercilessly for even suggesting such a thing.

    Dogs are so clearly the bomb and any mother that gets one is a finer human than I’ll ever be.

      • To be honest I have come to believe over the years it depends on the kids’ individual characters and probably the character of each parent too! I am ‘4kids2dogs1cat’ so you’ll probably group me in the ‘madder human’ category of motherhood. My son (20 on Sunday) equaled the three daughters (18,16 & 14) put together in terms of how much parenting he required and still does!

        My sister in law has 4 kids as well and to me is an example of ‘a finer human’ she has 3 boys and 1 girl! Kids seem to fit the space you have for them, with 2 away at university the house feels fuller than ever with only 2 at home!

        I don’t take all the credit…my husband grew up 4th out of 10 kids and he has 7 sisters!

        My dogs are the Coton de Tulear breed – they never shed hair and are hypoallergenic! Sleep all day and don’t need much walking!

  4. No, no, ignore MSB! They are an absolute pain. You have to take walks with dumb plastic bags to pick up their poo. They shed all over everything — for awhile I had two Newfoundlands AND a Great Pyrenees so no matter what color I wore, the dog hair showed up. The big ones cost a fortune to feed, medicate, etc. And I have never made it longer than 18 months without at least one in the house. Where else can I get unconditional adoration around here?

  5. My kids want a dog, but our yard, schedules, and mother-in-law aren’t dog-friendly.

    Though my husband has drawn up a little map of all the yards we’ll be visiting with our walking poo-depositor if we ever do adopt one. Because payback can actually be a literal bitch..

  6. I had a golden retriever for thirteen years and when she died, I swore I wouldn’t put myself through the grief again. All the hair, the giant poos (though she frequently ate playdoh which made for a comedy clean up) and the general doggy smell in the house was irrelevant once she did the big sigh and the look. I’ve told the kids I’m not having another one until they all leave home, to replace the general smell of socks in the bedroom (3 boys), and the clothes everywhere (3 boys). At least the kids don’t poo in the garden…

  7. i thought i was on teri’s blog with that pic!
    our first dog was a black lab, elvis, and we haven’t been able to top him since. (others included a brown lab named james brown and a mutt named dorothy parker.)

    my kids keep asking when they get to have a dog and i keep saying, “a fish is sooo much cooler.”
    (cooler = easier for me.)

  8. OMG, Maisie’s Borg power works over thousands of miles! Give. Me. That. Dog. And no one gets hurt.

    When we move, we’re getting a Maisie. I have a child to do the wheedling, but I’m the one wishing and hoping the most. My poor husband is a goner.

  9. Do you believe I had to google Borg? But oh my, I’d be goner. I love animals. When we visited a friend with a dairy farm, I had to walk to the pasture to pet the cows. And coax all the barn cats out where I could play with them. Total sucker, I am.

    My kids want a dog thanks to neighbors with a German Shepherd puppy. It IS so adorable. Even the cat likes dogs so I’m using the ‘we travel too much’ argument, or ‘when you start cleaning cat puke…’

  10. Maisie is Jojo’s long lost cousin! I saw the picture and thought “Teri doesn’t spare any cost for a good dogsitter.”
    So Duchess when you go pick up your new pup (I await the next post…), will you take home the dog who has a Canadian or British accent?

  11. Oh dear. OH DEAR.

    I can’t look into a dog’s eyes without running the risk of gaining another mouth to feed and pooper to manage. I mean, I roll down my car window and speak to deer on the side of the road, cry during any movie featuring animals and ruin the knees of pants stalking skittish birds in hopes of snapping a decent photo of them.

  12. As the current mother of four cats and a golden retriever mix, clearly I have very little self-control over matters of the pet heart. If it weren’t for the likelihood that I’ll be selling my house and moving into a small condo in the next year or two, I’d adopt a second dog in a minute. And if I happen to miraculously find a condo with a small fenced-in area outside, all bets are off.

    Those eyes and the unconditional love they offer–day in and day out–are worth every shred of hair and every pile of poo.

  13. May I recommend a poodle (mix)? They don’t shed and they are very smart. My little poodle/bichon thing has a ton of personality and can do circus tricks. His eyes are really pathetic, but his poos, fortunately, are small. I will send you a picture (of the dog, that is, not the poop). Resistance is futile.

    As for high-pitched squealing, I think you have to portray it in your word choice. If it were the kids you could say “Squeal! Come here, doggie, doggie, doggie!” for those of us who don’t squeal,* maybe an “oooo” or “Squeeeee” or “Walkies! Who’s a good girl?”. I always here “walkies” as high-pitched, so it would set up the expectations nicely. Thanks for asking ;).

    *OK maybe I squeal sometimes.

  14. I didn’t know you were back blogging. Yipee. I remember when you loved a dog named Crissie. Once a dog lover ???

  15. She’s beautiful! It’s going to be so sad to see her go. I have 3 dogs and a cat. The hair is everywhere. Ask me if I care. :) Resistance IS futile. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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