Remember I said that on my return from holiday some good news was waiting? (What? Yes, that opening sentence is a gratuitous reminder that I’ve just had a short story published. Your point?)
Well, yin and yang . . . darkness and light . . . good cop, bad cop . . . because around the same time, I also received this:
Notice of Intended Prosecution – Exceeding 50 MPH Speed Limit
Included in all the paperwork was a list of excuses that would NOT be accepted (pretty sure they never used to do that back in Canada) . Here’s a few of them:
I was only speeding because:
I was unfamiliar with the road.
the children were distracting me. (oh yeah, been there, although not this time)
The road was clear/it was late/it was early morning. (aka the every excuse in the book excuse)
I was late. (which is true – for Missie’s end of year concert)
I have a clean driving licence. (which
is was also true)
I didn’t know about the speed cameras.
See it’s that last one that really gets me. It was a mobile van with a massive lens sticking out the back like a gun on a tank turret. My thought process?
Oh please don’t let me be late for the concert . . . shit, do I have the camera?. . . I’m hungry. . . I hope they serve tea after. . . is that a speed camera? . . .a biscuit to go with the tea would be nice too . . . did I take the pasta sauce out of the freezer? Yeah, that’s a speed camera. Oh shit! That was a speed camera!
Never mind slow reflexes – mine are dead.
On the bright side, this is my first speeding ticket in England. It’s official, people – I’ve arrived! And, well ahead of time at the speed I was doing . . .
Speed demon or Sunday driver? Reflexes like a cat or ready for a catnap?