I’m freakishly excited to be hosting a story from the newly released* FREAKS, a unique collection of darkly humorous stories written by Nik Perring** and Caroline Smailes and illustrated, comic book style, by Darren Craske.

The stories explore the consequences for “ordinary, flawed human beings” who obtain unusual superpowers, such as the woman who can reproduce herself at will and the man who can break into his lover’s dreams. The book is dedicated “To all who, if only for a moment, felt that they didn’t belong. ” Ahem . . .

Here’s the story I’m hosting:


[Super Power: The ability to make oneself unseen to the naked eye]

If I stay totally still,

if I stand right tall,

with me back against the school wall,

close to the science room’s window,

with me feet together,

pointing straight,

aiming forward,

if I make me hands into tight fists,

make me arms dead straight,

 if I push me arms into me sides,

if I squeeze me thighs,

stop me wee,

if me belly doesn’t shake,

if me boobs don’t wobble,

if I close me eyes tight,

so tight that it makes me whole face scrunch,

if I push me lips into me mouth,

if I make me teeth bite me lips together,

if I hardly breathe,

if I don’t say a word.


I’ll magic meself invisible,

and them lasses will leave me alone.

* * *

If you want to read more FREAKS (and who wouldn’t after that story), you can buy the book here or the e-book here. And for my North American friends, the e-book is available here.

*FREAKS was published yesterday on my birthday. Coincidence?

**Last year Nik published Not So Perfect which I loved and can highly recommend.

13 thoughts on “FREAKS

  1. Oh, I love this, Downith. It’s like this story was written with me in mind, even down to connecting the dots. Clearly I’m not alone. Clearly I’m not a freak.

    • I remember you won that here.

      One thing I love is about FREAKS is that the stories are not credited – we have to guess whether Nik or Caroline wrote each one.

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